"Too You"

"I think I developed language skills to deal with threat. It's the girl thing to do-you know, instead of pulling out a gun." - Barbara Kruger.

As a young woman of 23 years, I am highly aware of the idea of feminism. To me, feminism is simply the belief that women should be treated as equals to males in society. Feminism is a worldwide concept that has been accepted for the most part. However, I still find myself in situations where I feel as though I should be acting a certain way because I am female. Society still has certain expectations for women. Even women have these expectations towards other women. With this project I would like to take photos of real women and showcase their personal experiences to spread awareness into the minds of people that societal pressures against women are real, and they must stop.

          These photos will begin with a photograph that was created using “old” methods, such as Van Dyke Brown, Lumen, Cyanotype, and film. These photos will consist of “pretty” subject matter such as flowers, a common symbol of a woman. I will then combine, or overlay these photos with modern digital photos of real women in an opposing position to the “old” photos. In this way, I hope to create a sense of confusion and struggle within the viewer so that they may understand the confusion and struggle that women feel every day.

          I would also like to include a statement from the woman in the photo about her feelings on a given societal pressure. In a gallery viewing atmosphere, I would like to include a short quote from the statement as part of the viewing experience. My hope is that these words will confirm the realness of this issue in the viewer’s mind.

 Too Quiet: Audria

Van Dyke Brown Print Scan with Digital Image

         I don't have a lot of friends for many reasons. As a homeschooler I didn't have a lot of practice at making friends before entering adulthood. I'm also an introvert, I enjoy spending time with other people but I rarely feel a need to be surrounded by others. In groups of larger than one on one I tend to sit back and listen, I'll join the conversation briefly, but I'm content with listening most of the time. The combination of these things can make me appear stand offish. It's not that I don't want to make friends, I just don't have a lot of skill at it, I don't have a great need for it, and I'm quiet. It makes me seem unapproachable so if I want friends I have to work to make them, they don't just come to me.

I am content with having few friends. I've always had one close friend and very few other friends. At the moment I have my boyfriend who is my closest friend, and my coworkers. I'm closer to some coworkers than others we spend time together outside of work but not very often. I hardly text anyone besides my boyfriend and that's necessary because he lives in another state. The friends I have I enjoy my time with and that's enough for me. 

I have definitely felt pressure to make more friends and be more socially active. Especially as a teenager I really didn't have even one close friend, I didn't really have anything in common with the teenagers I was acquainted with and I didn't really have any opportunities to meet anyone who I did have common interests with. This was in the days of MySpace as well so there was the pressure to have a list of your "Top Friends." That pressure actually helped me to make a few friends, I found that it was easier for me to make friends through the Internet, although I still had very little in common with them so they were still barely more than acquaintances. I don't know if this counts as pressure but whenever I see a girl who walks into a room and knows half of the people in it already and has something to talk about with each one of them I don't understand why she would want that, like I don't want to walk into a room and have ten people expecting me to say hello and chit chat with them. I physically cannot do chit chat. Especially not with ten different people.

Too Blunt: Yezmene

35mm Film Print Scan with Digital Image

I find that as I've gotten older the more passionate I am about certain subject matter. With this passion I have no problem with voicing my opinion or speaking my mind. At times I do feel hesitant about speaking my mind with the fear of judgement from my peers. However, the older I get, the more inclined I am to speak up.  

Too Young: Hannah

Black and White 4x5 Film Scan with Digital Image

I am more than happy with the choices I've made in my life. A lot of people are shocked to find out that I "settled down" and got married at the young age of 21, but it didn't seem like a crazy thing for me to do. The joys of marriage and now carrying a child far outweigh living a life of a single, "normal" college student for me. My choices have shaped me into the person I am, so although it's difficult at times living with the seemingly mature and huge, life-altering decisions I've made, I literally wouldn't trade the life I have for any other one.

I do feel ridiculed by some for making the choice to become a wife and a mom at such a young age. Thankfully, the people in my family aren't the ones that question my choices. They are completely supportive and loving of every decision I make, and have been for as long as I can remember. The ones that judge us are those who don't know us. They just see two kids getting hitched and knocked up; They don't see the deep love and commitment to each other and to the Lord that we have, the love that is unconditional and real.

Too Butch: Kass

Lumen (before fix and after) Scan, with Digital Image

  I knew at a young age that I was different. I was in elementary school so I was about 8 years old when I realized that I was different from all of the other little girls around me because unlike then I loved to play sports. I was the first girl to start playing football with all the boys at recess. I also knew I was different because I didn't look or dress like all the other little girls in my classes, while they wore their bright pink and colorful blouses and dresses I wore jeans and jerseys. 

           I also knew I was different than the other girls because while they had crushes on the boys I had my first crush on one of my female classmates in 5th grade. I didn't think too much into it nor did I really understand the feeling. It wasn't until I got a little older and was in middle school that I finally understood what it mean. I was gay, a lesbian. It wasn't that big of a deal to me because by that time I had come to understand it more and had family gay family members and family friends. 

            I don't really think I am all that different than other women. I am still you very typical version of a female on the inside. I am an emotional person, I am a nurturer, I have the stereotypical aspects of a women on the inside. 

I guess I am different than what society thinks a woman should look like but I don't mind being different! I think being different makes me who and am who I have become. I think being different is what the world needs.

           Growing up I was a tomboy. I always have been. As a kid I never faced any ridicule or judgement from other because I was a kid. But as I got older I have got lying and some judgement from people. For example my dad will joke from time to time asking me if I'm going to wear a dress and heels to the company Christmas party or formal events.

Before I cut my hair I was afraid if I did I would get a backlash of negative feedback but it turns out I was wrong. My family was fine with it and knew I was something I wanted. However it was a little different going out in public because I guess I was confusing people. Before people saw the way I dress but knew I was a female because if my long hair. Now people stare as if they are trying to figure it out as if I couldn't possibly be a female because I have short hair.

The worst reaction that I can say I have ever received is when I was at the Fresno police records department picking up some paperwork, and the older women asked for my name and my ID. I gave it to her and she to a look at me and my ID a few times and then went on to say is this you? I said yes! She said are you sure? I said yes! She said you're a girl? I said yes I am! It was a little uncomfortable and embarrassing but I'm sure there were worse reactions. 

Too Silly: Katelyn

4x5 Film Scan with Digital Image

I like being silly, of course! It makes me happy. I have been ridiculed for being too silly or immature. People think I'm weird until they get to know me. I have a sarcastic personality and sometimes it comes off as rude or weird. Those people don't bother me. Eventually they get used to my personality and if they don't, then I choose not to surround myself with people who ridicule me.

Too Thick: Alexa

Intaglio Print Scan with Digital Image

6 out of 7 days, I am totally in love with my body and myself. There are those days where I wish I was thinner or maybe wasn't so curvy. There are some days where comfortable is an understatement. Sometimes it's difficult to feel like I look good when things don't fit me the way I wish they would. But then I'll just shake it off. I don't dwell on negative feelings about myself. I focus on what matters more. It's been a long way here, to this kind of self acceptance. I know what it's like to not want to love yourself because you feel so uncomfortable in your own skin. But I also know how worth it is to conquer those feelings and decide to love yourself and to decide to be comfortable. I know how worth it is to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and look at yourself with pride instead of shame. 

At the risk of sounding totally cliché, I think all women are unique. I don't think there's a perfect woman. I believe we all have a concept in our head of what an ideal woman is. So as far as looking different goes, yeah I feel I look differently solely because every woman is different. I can appreciate another woman's beauty without feeling insecure about mine. I can believe a woman is more attractive than me and still be confident about myself. 

Not too long ago I got called a fucking whale by this boy who had never seen me in person. It was the first insult to actually have an affect on me in a very long time. I don't know why this stranger would feel so entitled to my attention that when I did not give it to him he reacted like a child throwing a tantrum. He called me a name and insulted my body. The same body that caught his interest in the first place. So it didn't bother me in the way that I felt bad about myself but it bothered me in the way that he felt comfortable attacking me like that. I don't care what people think about my body. It's MY body. I've been called fat since 7th grade when I developed. It's not a word that holds any weight (Pun intended). I’m a thick woman and I’m okay with that. There isn’t anything that anyone can say that will prevent me from loving myself. 

Too Smart: Amity

 

Palladium Print with Digital Image

I've never been average in any aspect of my life. Because I have always been extremely small people always assumed I was younger than I am. That is until I spoke. I spent most of my time reading so I had a large vocabulary and a much more mature outlook on life than other kids my age. Since this always shocked people and brought copious amounts of attention and embarrassment my way, I found that I often preferred to stay quiet.
            When I transitioned from homeschooling to public school I thought I was an idiot. Though I was still above average in English, I was far below average in Mathematics. This caused some confusion when someone who knew me to be ‘smart’ saw me struggling on a seemingly simple problem. Again I was greeted with shock, this time accompanied by disappointment. I suddenly found myself feeling a pressure to uphold my intellectual reputation. By the time I got to high school I was in the upper 10% of my class and taking honors and AP classes as well as getting involved in as many extracurricular activities as I could. But now I was no longer feeling a pressure to do well. Now I was stuck between being expected to do well in all areas and being an “overachiever”.  If I did poorly, or even average by most standards, I felt disappointment. If I exceeded standards I got dirty looks from my peers and was even told to participate less in class since my teachers were aware I already knew the answers. I couldn’t win. This caused me to lose any kind of motivation I once had. If I didn’t feel like doing an assignment I simply wouldn’t do it. I could just make up for it on the test anyway. I still graduated high school with a 4.16 GPA, however, I developed terrible work ethic and habits that are not serving me well in college. It makes me sad to think about where I could be and how I could be doing if I had kept nurturing my intelligence rather than treating it like an inconvenience. 

Too Tough: Sadie 

Cyanotype with Digital Image 

I have been ridiculed for being too tough. People say my voice is too loud and I’m scaring people. But I like being tough. I think that it’s better to be tough than to be soft. Because a lot of people try to get away with a lot of stuff, and it shouldn’t be like that. People should respect everybody. I work with kids and I give them a chance, and then I’m tough with them. So either they stop crying, or their parents don’t bring them to my job anymore. 

Too Nice: Ashley

I never knew there was such a thing as being “too nice” until people started telling me that I was too nice. At first I took it as a compliment, but as I grew older I realized that people really meant it as a flaw in my character. Most of the time these people had my best interest in mind, and they told me I was letting people take advantage of me, and I needed to be more straight-forward and think about myself more.

However, my dad being a pastor and having grown up in Church, I was always taught to be selfless and to love everyone equally. Now I struggle with this thought of taking care of myself and doing what I want, and with thinking about others, and being open to everyone.

The thing is, I would rather be known as a “too nice” person, and feel good inside, than be known as not a nice person, and feel bad inside.