Project 2 Proposal: I Know This Isn't The End

          For the second part of my semester-long project, I would like to continue the narrative of Clay and I's story. In this part of our story, we have begun to separate. I knew that this project would be hard, because we would both have to think about the tough times we went through.
          When I first begin a shoot, I ask Clay if he can help me and model for me. He always says yes without hesitation. This time, he said "Yes, but what do I have to do?" I had told him the sequence that this project would go in, and he had been dreading this part of it. We went to my room one day and I got my laptop out and I showed him examples of photos I wanted to shoot, and told him the reasons behind each photo. I told him, "I want to do this one because it's like how you kind of wanted me to stay... and I was confused about everything but you were trying to hide me from my confusion and make everything okay again." He said, "Yeah, that's a good one, that makes sense."
               The shoot was strange. I was feeling so uncomfortable and sad because I knew that we were physically portraying our division. However, Clay would look at me as we posed, and say, "You're beautiful."
             I used to think it was both of us that began to walk away from one another. However, looking back, I'm starting to see that he really never let go. Even when we were struggling and not getting along, he never once thought of leaving. He never once intended to push me away. This portion of the project is an expression of how one person (me), is one person, even in a relationship that seems perfect. One person still has their own thoughts and emotions and no one else can feel that, no matter how in love you are. No one else, no matter how much they love you, can change how you feel. I was definitely confused about my feelings, and I chose to figure it out myself, rather than letting Clay help me. I chose not to explain how I felt, and I chose to leave. This is real life, and this is human. This is me leaving.

          The title of part 2, "I Know This Isn't the End" is a phrase that Clay said to me in a text message not long after we parted ways.

Art Babble: ARTIST MARÍA MARTÍNEZ-CAÑAS IN "STAGING THE SELF"

               I really connected with Maria Martinez-Canas’ words in this video. Maria works with photography, as I do. In this particular video she spoke about her images of duplicity. For this project, Maria has been struggling with her identity as an artist and as a person. She found a photo of her father, and decided to use that as a base for her project. She then took a photo of herself, with the same type of camera, and then digitally over-layed the photos in a double exposure. Maria said that she did not have to move the photos at all in order to have the eyes and lips etc., line up. She found that she looked so much like her father that the photos fit perfectly atop one another.

            Maria then slowly changed the opacity of one photo, so that you could see only her father in one photo to begin with, and lastly you would see only her. In between was mixtures of the two. Maria stated that for her, this project expresses how we are a different person to everyone around us. We are not the same all of time. She questioned whether or not we are ever fully ourselves, or if we are versions of ourselves.

            I loved how Maria spoke about what photography is to her. She said that all her work is very personal, and it happens as she lives her life. She said that she uses photography like a writer may use writing. It is simply what is going on with her in the moment. I can really relate to that statement. A lot of my own photography is based on what I am going through mentally within my life. Photography helps me to understand my situation better, and to feel out my emotions. I’ve actually done a project similar to Maria’s in which I combined photos of myself, my sisters, and my mother with large format film. I really learned a lot about my sisters and my mother, and definitely myself by doing that project.