Project 2 Proposal: I Know This Isn't The End

          For the second part of my semester-long project, I would like to continue the narrative of Clay and I's story. In this part of our story, we have begun to separate. I knew that this project would be hard, because we would both have to think about the tough times we went through.
          When I first begin a shoot, I ask Clay if he can help me and model for me. He always says yes without hesitation. This time, he said "Yes, but what do I have to do?" I had told him the sequence that this project would go in, and he had been dreading this part of it. We went to my room one day and I got my laptop out and I showed him examples of photos I wanted to shoot, and told him the reasons behind each photo. I told him, "I want to do this one because it's like how you kind of wanted me to stay... and I was confused about everything but you were trying to hide me from my confusion and make everything okay again." He said, "Yeah, that's a good one, that makes sense."
               The shoot was strange. I was feeling so uncomfortable and sad because I knew that we were physically portraying our division. However, Clay would look at me as we posed, and say, "You're beautiful."
             I used to think it was both of us that began to walk away from one another. However, looking back, I'm starting to see that he really never let go. Even when we were struggling and not getting along, he never once thought of leaving. He never once intended to push me away. This portion of the project is an expression of how one person (me), is one person, even in a relationship that seems perfect. One person still has their own thoughts and emotions and no one else can feel that, no matter how in love you are. No one else, no matter how much they love you, can change how you feel. I was definitely confused about my feelings, and I chose to figure it out myself, rather than letting Clay help me. I chose not to explain how I felt, and I chose to leave. This is real life, and this is human. This is me leaving.

          The title of part 2, "I Know This Isn't the End" is a phrase that Clay said to me in a text message not long after we parted ways.