Too Quiet: Audria

Van Dyke Brown Print Scan + Digital Image 

         I don't have a lot of friends for many reasons. As a homeschooler I didn't have a lot of practice at making friends before entering adulthood. I'm also an introvert, I enjoy spending time with other people but I rarely feel a need to be surrounded by others. In groups of larger than one on one I tend to sit back and listen, I'll join the conversation briefly, but I'm content with listening most of the time. The combination of these things can make me appear stand offish. It's not that I don't want to make friends, I just don't have a lot of skill at it, I don't have a great need for it, and I'm quiet. It makes me seem unapproachable so if I want friends I have to work to make them, they don't just come to me. 

          I am content with having few friends. I've always had one close friend and very few other friends. At the moment I have my boyfriend who is my closest friend, and my coworkers. I'm closer to some coworkers than others we spend time together outside of work but not very often. I hardly text anyone besides my boyfriend and that's necessary because he lives in another state. The friends I have I enjoy my time with and that's enough for me. 

           I have definitely felt pressure to make more friends and be more socially active. Especially as a teenager I really didn't have even one close friend, I didn't really have anything in common with the teenagers I was acquainted with and I didn't really have any opportunities to meet anyone who I did have common interests with. This was in the days of MySpace as well so there was the pressure to have a list of your "Top Friends." That pressure actually helped me to make a few friends, I found that it was easier for me to make friends through the Internet, although I still had very little in common with them so they were still barely more than acquaintances. I don't know if this counts as pressure but whenever I see a girl who walks into a room and knows half of the people in it already and has something to talk about with each one of them I don't understand why she would want that, like I don't want to walk into a room and have ten people expecting me to say hello and chit chat with them. I physically cannot do chit chat. Especially not with ten different people.

Faces

Fall 2016

I have always been interested in composting. The idea of meshing two photos together to create something new excites me. However the long detailed process of film is also something I enjoy. Film photography forces me to be patient and practice time management and planning. In this way I can create images that are so different than my digital images. 

However, one thing I have not tried is combining film or alternative processed images with digital images. I would like to try this technique this fall. 

I am not absolute on my theory behind this project yet. However the obvious idea is the combination of old versus new. Perhaps transformation and change will be the idea I wish to convey to others. I would like to do some psychological research and have a concrete idea behind each photo I create. 

My biggest hope for this class is to be able to verbalize my ideas. 

Project Statement

        My father was a pastor, and I was homeschooled until the age of 16. My mother was my teacher, and she was my mother. She wanted us to learn everything. She took us to museums, aquariums, zoos, farms, re-enactments, plays, musicals, national parks, rivers, and every library possible. I read a lot. I was particularly into fantasy and mysteries. As I read these books, I read my physical surroundings. My imagination was on fire.  

        I was born in Fresno California, but my father moved us around a few times. First we went to a small town called Willits, located in Northern California. My backyard was a forest. We moved from Willits to another small town called Mill Valley. We lived on top of a hill, so we could see the ocean from our window. There my siblings and I rode our bikes down to the San Francisco Bay. 

         By the time we left Mill Valley I was going on 12. This was when reality started creeping into my life, as it does to every preteen. My family and I moved back to the Central Valley, another small town called Firebaugh. Here, there were no forests or oceans, museums or interesting events. It was just homework and TV, all day every day. I began wanting to experience what "normal" kids experience. I wanted to go to public school. I got my wish when I was a junior in high school, and I began to blend in with everyone else. When I graduated from high school, I began to realize that I was starting to lose my imagination. That was something I longed to get back. However I found that I didn't have time or a need to be imaginative anymore. What happened? When did I lose my imagination?  

          Since that realization, my only goal is to get my imagination back—to get that little girl inside me to come out again, and play with the adult I have become.

           In this project I have combined photos of the human form, along with things that trigger my imagination. Windows and doors have an air of mystery to them. Flowers and feathers bring thoughts of freedom and growth to my mind. Roads and leading lines hold the narrative of hope and the future. Artists who have helped me connect to that lost creative child are Salvador Dali; with his themes of time and his landscapes that evoke a dreamlike feeling; Minor White’s use of texture and light is an inspiration for the overlays in my work. A more contemporary influence is Sara Lando, whose physical manipulations with film and print suggest emotion and narrative.

My photos bring me courage to fight against society and its pressures to immerse me. I hope that my photos will give a little shudder to the hearts of others, and that their imaginations will peek out from under their rocks. The fact is, you cannot advance as an individual or as a culture without expressing your creativity. This is my effort to enhance the growth of our humanity. 

Reflection on Vivian Maier

After watching John Maloof's "Finding Vivian Maier" I still felt as though Vivian was a mystery. Yet the more I look at her mesmerizing pictures, the closer I do feel to getting to know her. Vivian possessed a lot of qualities that I, and a lot of photographers I'm sure, wish they possess. 

One of these qualities is definitely bravery. Although Vivian was described as being soft-spoken by the people that knew her, she was also described as being outspoken at times. Many of her pictures are of people and things that make you wonder what happened after she shot her photo. A lot of these images suggest that Vivian was drawn to danger and dramatic situations. This draw mixed with her courage made for spectacular images. 

Most of Vivian's images are filled with the human subject. Vivian had a knack for capturing the spirit of humanity and normal everyday life. This is something that takes most photographers years to figure out how to capture correctly. Yet all of Vivian's portraits make one feel so connected to the person in the photo. 

Vivian had a lot of photos of children in particular. In the movie, it was explained that Vivian was a Nanny. It is absolutely magical how Vivian depicts the children in her photos. She shows the depth of a child's emotions. She shows multiple emotions. 

Vivian was obviously a very political person. She was known for storing newspapers in her living quarters as a nanny. She also interviewed people on the street and asked them what their political views were. This is a quality that is almost essential for a street photographer to have. Vivian captures the era of time, and freezes it perfectly and poetically. 

Although the majority of Vivian's images are portraits, and street photography, a lot of her images are strictly compositional. They are filled with lines, and patterns. Vivian had a strong eye for geometry.

              

Of course Vivian's most prominent quality was her eye for the extraordinary. This is what really makes Vivian stand out. It is what makes Vivian a mystery. 

Project Two: Characteristics

Continuing with the self-reflection theme, I chose to look at some of the characteristics I am developing as I grow. I used myself as a subject in order to have a more personal expression. Through doing this project I faced some characteristics that I did not particularly want to face. For example, I tend to be tenacious. At first I viewed this as a bad thing, and my goal when photographing was to make it have a negative connotation. Yet, as I looked at the final print more and more, I realized that being tenacious can be good thing, and perhaps if I work on it, I can make that a positive characteristic for myself.
Not all of the images I produced were exactly my plan. However, I have decided that as long as I am choosing to shoot my chosen subjects, the ideas I have will still be conveyed.
I hope that others will look at these photos, and learn a little about me, and especially about themselves.

Project One: Emotions

Humans are constantly learning, growing, and evolving. I believe it's good to take time to reflect on how you have changed as a human. I believe it is beneficial to one's further growth to look inward. I have been going through a season of change in my life. With this first project, my goal was to use two photos to convey an emotion that I have been feeling lately. For me, creating these photos helped me learn about myself. I was forced to face how I feel. Normally I am tend to hide my emotions from myself. I would rather not think about the reality of my life. However, after doing this first project, I found I held a sense of relief after I showed them to my class. I felt that it was okay to feel these emotions and to have these thoughts. My hope is that the viewers are able to connect with these images, and perhaps admit, and release some of their own feelings that they may be hiding within themselves.

Technical things: some of these images did not come out the way that I initially intended them to. However, I do find meaning in all of them.