Project 2 Proposal: I Know This Isn't The End

          For the second part of my semester-long project, I would like to continue the narrative of Clay and I's story. In this part of our story, we have begun to separate. I knew that this project would be hard, because we would both have to think about the tough times we went through.
          When I first begin a shoot, I ask Clay if he can help me and model for me. He always says yes without hesitation. This time, he said "Yes, but what do I have to do?" I had told him the sequence that this project would go in, and he had been dreading this part of it. We went to my room one day and I got my laptop out and I showed him examples of photos I wanted to shoot, and told him the reasons behind each photo. I told him, "I want to do this one because it's like how you kind of wanted me to stay... and I was confused about everything but you were trying to hide me from my confusion and make everything okay again." He said, "Yeah, that's a good one, that makes sense."
               The shoot was strange. I was feeling so uncomfortable and sad because I knew that we were physically portraying our division. However, Clay would look at me as we posed, and say, "You're beautiful."
             I used to think it was both of us that began to walk away from one another. However, looking back, I'm starting to see that he really never let go. Even when we were struggling and not getting along, he never once thought of leaving. He never once intended to push me away. This portion of the project is an expression of how one person (me), is one person, even in a relationship that seems perfect. One person still has their own thoughts and emotions and no one else can feel that, no matter how in love you are. No one else, no matter how much they love you, can change how you feel. I was definitely confused about my feelings, and I chose to figure it out myself, rather than letting Clay help me. I chose not to explain how I felt, and I chose to leave. This is real life, and this is human. This is me leaving.

          The title of part 2, "I Know This Isn't the End" is a phrase that Clay said to me in a text message not long after we parted ways.

Art Babble: ARTIST MARÍA MARTÍNEZ-CAÑAS IN "STAGING THE SELF"

               I really connected with Maria Martinez-Canas’ words in this video. Maria works with photography, as I do. In this particular video she spoke about her images of duplicity. For this project, Maria has been struggling with her identity as an artist and as a person. She found a photo of her father, and decided to use that as a base for her project. She then took a photo of herself, with the same type of camera, and then digitally over-layed the photos in a double exposure. Maria said that she did not have to move the photos at all in order to have the eyes and lips etc., line up. She found that she looked so much like her father that the photos fit perfectly atop one another.

            Maria then slowly changed the opacity of one photo, so that you could see only her father in one photo to begin with, and lastly you would see only her. In between was mixtures of the two. Maria stated that for her, this project expresses how we are a different person to everyone around us. We are not the same all of time. She questioned whether or not we are ever fully ourselves, or if we are versions of ourselves.

            I loved how Maria spoke about what photography is to her. She said that all her work is very personal, and it happens as she lives her life. She said that she uses photography like a writer may use writing. It is simply what is going on with her in the moment. I can really relate to that statement. A lot of my own photography is based on what I am going through mentally within my life. Photography helps me to understand my situation better, and to feel out my emotions. I’ve actually done a project similar to Maria’s in which I combined photos of myself, my sisters, and my mother with large format film. I really learned a lot about my sisters and my mother, and definitely myself by doing that project. 

Saturday Morning Reflections

I woke up this morning thinking about how in love I am with my boyfriend. How I want to get married and have babies already and just be happy and nurturing. Then I looked at my wall and saw my artwork I though about how I really love doing art and I don't want that to stop. How maybe having kids and a family will make it harder to do my art, and I could lose my passion and creativity. But then I realized my parents and my siblings have always encouraged me to do art, even as a child. I realized that my childhood shaped me into the artist I am. I realized that right now I'm doing art with my boyfriend, and he's being so supportive and encouraging. I realized that family and human life and living have significant influences on me and my art. So I shouldn't be afraid of having more family as I grow older. I should embrace it and let it encourage and shape my art. To be very deep and poetic: my future is my canvas, and my family is my paintbrush. They will help me create. 

Cheryle St. Onge

             Cheryle St. Onge was born and raised in Massachusetts. She received her MFA from Massachusetts College of Arts. She creates most of her images with an 8x10 camera, and most of her images are black and white.

              Cheryle has done several series of photos, all seeming to have a theme of childhood, nature, and curiosity. Cheryle’s images speak to me because they bring me back to my childhood. Her use of light and casted shadows are things that I am easily amused with, and always have been. I remember looking out the window of my grandparents’ house and staring at the ceiling of the porch outside, where the pool was casting glimmering shadows. There was nothing I loved more than exploring with my friends, and finding creatures and curious things like spider webs or pretty rocks or some weird looking berries. I really enjoy Cheryle’s ability to bring memories of my childhood to the surface of my mind with simple images of little things. There is something calming and yet exciting about her work. It makes me want to grab my camera and go outside! 

http://cherylestonge.com/natural-findings

Intimacy in Photography

              When I first began taking photos, I hardly ever thought about concept or emotion, and certainly not intimacy. However, as I’ve grown, I’ve realized those are the most important things to consider when taking photographs of any kind. Although I was not thinking about emotions consciously, I have looked back and seen emotion expressed through figures in even my sports photography from high school. I tended to focus more on the sidelines rather than where the ball was. I’ve definitely decided that images that hold intimacy and emotion are much easier to have a connection with. So, I’ve decided to embrace this and fill my photos with it.

              There are certain things that I know I will never reveal in my photographs. I have strong morals, and my family does as well, and I would rather not put myself and my family in an awkward situation for a photo. At least not right now in my life. Even though my photos do not consistent of death or nudity, I feel like I am still expressing intimacy. The majority of my subjects have been my family, friends, and my boyfriend. I have shown intimacy in relationships with my sisters, with women as a whole, and now with my boyfriend. I do try to make sure my subjects understand the concept I am trying to express before I take the photos. I have made sure they are comfortable with every detail, down to the title I place on the image, and the locations it will be viewed in. After all, I have never paid anyone to be my subject, they have all been volunteer, and I would hate to put them out in any way in return.

              I felt as though the key that the panelists used to avoid exploitation of their subjects was communication. As I mentioned before, I feel that rehearsing and writing down your goals for your images is very important when trying to photograph something intimate with a subject. It is not something a serious artist should take lightly. I felt a connection with the panelists. I have never taken photos of anything remotely connected to death or mental illness, and I cannot imagine how uncomfortable and hard it must’ve been to have those intimate conversations with people. It takes a lot of confidence and drive to do something like that. The panelists taught me that if the topic is important enough to you as an artist, you will take the risk of being uncomfortable and you will get through it.

              I feel like art is an amazing way to bring understanding to issues in our world. There are so many images of war and destruction that have touched peoples’ souls to the point of tears. People jumping from the twin towers on 9/11 are some of the most recent and most impactful images I have ever seen. I’ve created images that I hoped to bring emotion and thought to my viewers, such as this image of a friend of mine, who was critiqued and judged because she cut her hair in a way that she was more comfortable with. My idea with this image was to express how this woman felt as a woman. Regardless of the fact that she identifies as lesbian. I think without the image, this point would not be as strong and as understandable.              

         I’ve also created images like this one, in which I’ve tried to express the childlike love I have for my God and my Church. This is an image that many other people have told me they have felt a connection with. It’s amazing to me to hear that, because this image came straight from my heart.

              

      

       I’ve also done images like these of my sister and my mother, in which I attempted to express a woman’s emotions. The strength versus the fragility, and the layers of innocence and womanhood that we all hold within us.

         
         From watching the panelists I felt like my work was closest to Kerry Payne Stailey’s work. Since I am now doing a project on intimacy and love with my boyfriend, and she had actually done an Instagram series on her relationship with her now husband.

Project Statement and Part One statement

Today, as I write this, I would have been celebrating 4 years of happiness with the love of my life. However, love is far too interesting to have let that happen. I am only twenty-three, I know I am young. Yet, I feel that I already have a story of love and loss, and love, to tell.

              In the past I have done projects on my sisters, and mother, and our connection as women in the world. I also did a project on women in general, and our struggle within a judgmental society. I feel that I have done these projects to learn more about my journey as a woman. After every project I do, I reflect and think about what I’ve learned. Doing those projects actually contributed to my growth during my breakup, and my reunion with my boyfriend, Clay. I realized that I hadn’t looked at my journey with this person I had seen almost every day for 4 years.

This is why I have chosen to create a photo narrative of my relationship with Clay from beginning to end. I hope to connect more with him, on a different level, as we shoot photos together. I also hope to learn more about our connection as I attempt to illustrate both of our emotions, together and separate, within different phases of our past.

This is a very personal approach for a project. However, I believe all my past projects have been personal, this one is just about a relationship between two people, rather than a group. I hope to not become cliché or too romantic with this project. I would like it to have more personality and depth. I am also trying to not do double exposures, however I’m not promising anything.

Part 1: “My Love For You Is Pure and True”

When Clay and I first got together, we were very romantic. He always took me on dates to eat, and to the movies, he always drove, and he always paid. We saw one another just about every day. We were obsessed. The honeymoon phase was fully activated. I was eighteen, and he was nineteen. I was in my second year of college, and unemployed, he was taking online classes, and working at a tomato factory. I had only had two boyfriend before him, lasting 2 months and 2 weeks in all. He had just gotten out of a relationship that really messed with his head and heart, a year prior. I know we are still young now, yet I can’t help to think “We were so young.” We tried so hard to do things the way couples were supposed to. We celebrated our “anniversary” every month. He spoiled me to no end with gifts and attention. We really were happy, but it felt as though I were in a dream state

For this first part, I wanted to express emotions of the intimacy and closeness that we felt when we first got together. The loveydoveiness. I attempted this with the emphasis on hands, faces, and touch. I mean come on, we don’t touch other peoples’ faces unless we love them. I wanted to give the photos a strong blown out basic white background, to represent the simplicity of our beginnings, and pure heartedness that it began with. It was simple: we wanted to be together. Nothing else mattered. Right?



The title for part 1: "My Love For You Is Pure and True" is a phrase from a poem Clay wrote me before we parted ways. This photo is the first photo we took together as boyfriend and girlfriend.